I love bad movies. I really do.

At the very least they make me feel good about myself. They make me realise that I’m not as mentally hilarious as the people who pour thousands of dollars into the creation of such rancid piles of awful cinematic excretion.

What they also make me is angry, angry that I’ve wasted my time watching something that has about as much entertainment value as eating someone else’s sweaty sock. At gunpoint.

So delve into my world and see just what I am saving you from. I watch these films so you dont have to, and I expect you to worship me as your hero.

Now, grasshopper, read on.